


Re: Question about snake fight

by goseaward



Category: FAQ: The "Snake Fight" Portion Of Your Thesis Defense (McSweeney's Post) - Luke Burns
Genre: Academia, Epistolary, Gen, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goseaward/pseuds/goseaward
Summary: Alexandra -Not sure if you received this on the grad students list. The career center is holding a series of workshops on snake fighting for Ph.D. candidates. I know you were thinking about this. Again, I want to assure you that the snake fight isn't a big deal—every professor you've ever had has defeated a snake in single combat! But if you're still feeling concerned, perhaps these workshops would help you feel more prepared.Best,Julie
Comments: 20
Kudos: 148
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	Re: Question about snake fight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FaintlyMacabre](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaintlyMacabre/gifts).



> With thanks to [NotYourProfessor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotYourProfessor/pseuds/NotYourProfessor) for looking this over!
> 
> FaintlyMacabre, I looked at this prompt and filed it as a treat I might write, and then it turned out I couldn't stop thinking about it. So thank you very much for this idea, and I hope it suits what you were thinking of!

`FROM: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
TO: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/20/19 2:44 p.m.  
SUBJECT: Question about snake fight`

Hi Julie,

I just wanted to check in with you about the snake fight at my thesis defense. I was talking with some of the other grad students earlier and they told me the snake might be poisonous if there was something wrong with my bibliography. I know there have been some problems with the university LaTeX templates, is that going to cause me any issues?

Thanks very much!  
Alexandra

Alexandra Barrett  
Ph.D. candidate, condensed matter physics  
University of New Jersey  
555-816-9927 | alexandra.barrett@unj.edu

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/20/19 5:10 p.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Question about snake fight`

Good afternoon Alexandra,

No, you don't need to worry about the bibliography. That's a tradition of the humanities departments. Here in the sciences, you'll only get a poisonous snake for issues with your statistical analysis.

\- Julie

Julie Walker, Associate Professor  
Physics department  
University of New Jersey  
555-897-1661

`FROM: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
TO: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/20/19 5:18 p.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Question about snake fight`

Hi Julie,

Thank you very much.

Do I need someone to review the statistics in my thesis, just to be sure?

Thanks,  
Alexandra

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
Date: 3/20/19 10:39 p.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Question about snake fight`

Alexandra - we can ask Professor Ahmadi if you want a review. However, I wouldn't worry about the snake being poisonous. They're usually smaller and easier to defeat. Professors Perez and Kim both had poisonous snakes for their defenses, you know.

`FROM: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
TO: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/20/19 11:05 p.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Question about snake fight`

Hi Julie,

I'll contact Professor Ahmadi. I really don't want a poisonous snake.

Thank you,  
Alexandra

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/21/19 7:56 a.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Question about snake fight`

That sounds fine.

Do you know Professor Duong in biology? She always reminds me that it's more proper to say the snakes are venomous. As she says, if you bite it and you die, it's poisonous; if it bites you and you die, it's venomous. Very few snakes are poisonous.

`FROM: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
TO: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/21/19 8:10 a.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Question about snake fight`

Thanks. I will remember to call them venomous snakes in the future.

Alexandra

* * *

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/25/19 3:30 p.m.  
SUBJECT: FW: Snake fighting tips and tricks! Free event!`

Alexandra -

Not sure if you received this on the grad students list. The career center is holding a series of workshops on snake fighting for Ph.D. candidates. I know you were thinking about this. Again, I want to assure you that the snake fight isn't a big deal—every professor you've ever had has defeated a snake in single combat! But if you're still feeling concerned, perhaps these workshops would help you feel more prepared.

Best,  
Julie

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —  
FREE EVENT: Snake fighting tips and tricks  
April 4, 11, and 18, 2019  
Carver Hall  
Instructors: Dr. William E. Davies, Emeritus, Department of Animal Science  
Dr. Valeriya Sokolova, Department of Sports Medicine  
John Thomas Miller, Facilities Director  
Hosted by the Career Center

COME JOIN US for this special 3-night series of workshops on snake fighting!

We know that the snake fight is a source of anxiety for many Ph.D. candidates. This series of workshops is designed to reduce anxiety and help you prepare for combat. We'll hear from three of our university's finest representatives about the history and practice of the academic snake fight.

The snake fight is a time-honored tradition in the academy, dating back to the earliest universities. The mental discipline required to face and defeat a snake is a sign of the tremendous intellectual gifts each and every one of you have displayed on your journey to your Ph.D.

On APRIL 4, join Dr. William E. Davies, professor emeritus of herpetology in the Animal Sciences department, to learn about this unique and dignified rite of passage for Ph.D.s, as well as elements of snake anatomy and behavior that you can exploit to defeat your opponent.

On APRIL 11, Dr. Valeriya Sokolova, sports medicine, will lead you through a series of physical exercises designed to aid your victory. Students with disabilities, please contact the career center ahead of time to ensure that we have the right equipment available.

On APRIL 18, John Thomas Miller, director of our Facilities department and former Snake Keeper for the university, will discuss the finer points of snake selection, what feedback he has received from thesis committees to direct snake selection, and the most impressive wins (and losses) he has seen in his years with UNJ.

Pizza and soda will be available at all sessions thanks to funding from the Grad Student Association. All sessions are alcohol-free events. Please **RSVP** to brittany.fuller@careers.unj.edu by April 1st to attend. Spaces are limited!

`FROM: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
TO: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
DATE: 3/25/19 3:37 p.m.  
SUBJECT: RE: FW: Snake fighting tips and tricks! Free event!`

Hi Julie,

This looks really helpful! Thank you so much!

Alexandra

* * *

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
DATE: 4/16/19 1:16 a.m.  
SUBJECT: Snake fighting at group meeting`

Alexandra -

How are those snake fighting workshops going? Would you like to summarize some of what you've learned at group meeting this week?

Julie

`FROM: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
TO: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
DATE: 4/16/19 1:43 a.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Snake fighting at group meeting`

Hi Julie,

Sure, I'd be happy to do that, but maybe I should do it next week? The last meeting is on Thursday and I'd like to be able to bring in that information as well!

By the way, this subject line gave me a real fright! :)

Thanks,  
Alexandra

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
DATE: 4/16/19 2:02 a.m.  
SUBJECT: Re: Snake fighting at group meeting`

Sorry for the scare! Next week is fine.

* * *

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
DATE: 5/04/19 12:32 p.m.  
SUBJECT: Release form`

Alexandra-

Here's the release form you need to sign for your defense, in case of injury or death during the snake fight. (Don't worry, these are just precautions! It hardly ever happens. And I know you're a very capable young scholar.) Please sign it and return it to Dr. Robinson by the end of next week. We need it on file to officially schedule your defense.

Julie

* * *

`FROM: Julie.Walker@unj.edu  
TO: Alexandra.Barrett@unj.edu  
DATE: 6/10/19 6:00 p.m.  
SUBJECT: Congratulations again!`

Good evening Dr. Barrett,

I wanted to congratulate you again on your successful defense last week. You have done incredible work in your time here at the University of New Jersey. I'm so looking forward to seeing where your career takes you next and what discoveries you'll make along the way. You should be very proud of all that you've accomplished here.

I hope your arm is recovering well. Despite the injury, it was an impressive fight that I was proud to witness. If you need a laugh during your recuperation period, I've always appreciated this reminder that things could be worse: FAQ: The Shark Synchronized Swim Portion of Your Thesis Defense — McSweeney's Internet Tendency

Congratulations again, and get well soon!  
Julie


End file.
